Personal relations.

If you've read posts from the past, you know I have social anxiety.

Due to this, I have very poor personal relations with people that really do matter to me. This includes friends from highschool (Taralyn, Analise, and Sabrina to be specific), friends from Charleston (Taylor, Stephanie, Sarah and Brian, Erin, Sabrina, Tiffany, Kevin and Christine, Emily, Lacey, Christen, Kiely and Robert, Nicole, Bridget and Clay, and Liz), and family (my dad, mom, brother, step-parents, step-siblings, granparents, aunts and uncles).

It sounds so simple to pick up the phone, but the thought of having a moment of silence, not knowing what to say, or anything awkward makes me nauseated. I wish I could help it. I wish I could change my irrational ways of thinking. Even my medication doesn't help with this. It probably also sounds crazy to say that I've sat there and looked at the phone and couldn't make myself dial the number of the person I wanted to talk to. At times, I psyche myself out and think "I haven't talked to this person in such a long time, they'll probably wonder why I'm calling and wondering what I want." I don't want that! I hate being irrational with this.

I hate feeling isolated and that is exactly what I'm doing to myself. I wish I could be social and comfortable and allow myself to show my friends and family that I do care and I do love them. It's unfortunate and it makes me sad.

5 comments:

Taralyn April 17, 2009 at 2:56 PM  

I too have the same thing, maybe that's why we're friends. I wouldn't even talk on the phone until I was 12 and I'm still not a fan. I get you. No worries. Love ya!!

Sandi April 17, 2009 at 4:17 PM  

call me... I don't shut up long enough for there to be silence. I am missing my old friends so much I broke down and cried to a mom on the playground today.

Yes, that's a way to make friends.

Kyle and Tiffany April 17, 2009 at 5:56 PM  

Don't worry! I've never thought badly of you! And that's why the internet is such a great thing! No awkward silences there!! I know you love me! I mean really, who wouldn't?! Hahahah!

P.s. If you guys make it to Washington, I better get to see your hot self!!!

Kristan April 17, 2009 at 7:18 PM  

What about emails or letters/cards? (Yes, snail mail.) I absolutely hate the phone, and will avoid answering unless I think it's important (based on day/time of call), but I love sending people notes.

Liz Remus April 29, 2009 at 1:46 PM  

Sometimes you can't pull people away from their phones but just as equally are there people who don't like to talk on the phone.

My family is the latter. I have to pull teeth to get anything out of them but they are so chatty in person. It's just how people are.

Embrace that you aren't a phone person because there is still internet communication. You have the power of blogs, twitter, facebook, myspace etc.. to express and connect with others.

There is also still text messages too.

I miss you! You can call me whenever you want! I love hearing from friendly friends!