The view from where I'm eating lunch today.

Stay classy Denver!

This week I've seen things I never thought I'd see in person.

1) A REAL live hooker with REAL hooker shoes doing a dance in front of the adult video store while Jada and I were running on Monday.

2) A lady with track marks, right now, on the way to the bus. Yeeeeeeuck!

On the bus.

It's early and I'm writing this on my phone.

Please forgive the typos and missing contractions! Lol.

The women on the bus will not shut up. Lord ladies, it not 6am yet... Yack, yack, yack... A hotel for camping? The dirt in my flower beds is so dry. WTF? Is this necessary talk? I think not.

I'm sleepy! I ran to Coors Field and back, from work, Monday and Tuesday. Today is my day off. I get to enjoy lunch and I am taking a glorious nap when I get home today. 

My two thoughts for today:

Why can I pick smokers out by their skin?

And why is my face breaking out still? I've had more zits in the past year than all 26 of my other years combined. WTF? Grr.

Well, I'm going to stop typing and enjoy my Ziggy Marly!

Have a great day!

How sweet are they?! #fb

Not the post I wanted to write...

after not writing a real post, in what seems like forever, this is not where I wanted to start.

Anyway - Can I say how much I hate anxiety and irrationality?


We were suppose to go over to K&J's house for dinner tonight. I was going to make spaghetti and yummy french loaves, but that didn't happen.

Why? Because anxiety hit and not in the way that it normally has or does.

I came home and I was ready to run to the store to buy what we needed to make dinner. G and I chit-chatted and enjoyed each others company.

J called and asked G to go to the Daveco (a.k.a. The largest liquor store in the world. It holds the Guinness Book of World Record.) to pick out some wine. I stayed home and relaxed because my ass woke up at 4:30 this morning, like every day of the mother-effin' week.

G got home and I was getting ready to run to Target, and that's when it hit. I got angry and flustered and told Greg I was frustrated that he always says "yes" to things on the days that he has off and I have been up since 4:30am. It's never "we'll get back to you," "let me talk to K," or "we'll see." It's always "yes." And that was it. My mind was made and I wasn't going over to K&J's.

The worst part is, I don't know what set me off. I wasn't angry at G, he didn't do anything. It wasn't because of K or J. I didn't actually have any anxiety, I just knew I didn't want to go. In my head I was saying, "I don't want to cook anyone dinner," "I don't want to hang out," and "I don't want to watch G's dumb-ass baseball game." Why? I didn't know. I still don't know. I'm angry and I don't know why. I'm frustrated and upset and being completely irrational and I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I'm sitting here crying like a loser because I'm merely frustrated at the fact that I'm angry.

Am I just tired?

Is my Lexapro not working?

WTF? What is wrong with me?

I only know a part of what's going on and it's this: I get up every morning at 4:30am to leave the house by 5:20. I either (now) run ~3 miles on my lunch break OR make time after I get home to do Body Pump. Monday and Tuesday afternoons/evenings, G likes to make plans for us. Wednesday, Thursday or Friday nights I work out and then we normally have plans after G get's home at 8:15. Because his schedule is SHIT, like it has been for the past year, I try to stay up and spend what little time I get to with him. Saturday G has to work and he makes plans for me and most of the time, wakes me up. My one mother-lovin' day to sleep in. Saturday night, we do something AGAIN. Sunday, G has off, and he wakes me up by 9 or so. And we do more STUFF. I never get to bed early and G always gives me a hard time about being tired "all the time." Shit. You try waking up every day at 4:30, riding the bus with shitty, smelly, annoying people, be mentally challenged at work all day, ride the shitty bus again, get home and be told you're doing this, or doing that, or we're going here, or my favorite "I'm bored, let's go do something." WTF, I JUST GOT HOME. And I don't DARE even think about taking a nap, because well, that's just not allowed when G's home and I'm on his time.

As I'm getting older I'm realizing I need "me time." I need peace. I need quite. I don't need talking. I don't need to be doing something all the fucking time.

I'm exhausted people... and it never ends. Why?

G works 10-8 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. He chooses not to "sleep in," but get's up around 7:30 every morning. Over the course of five days, that's 15 hours different from what I get. And why am I tired? Cranky? Irrational? Frustrated?

Gee, I wonder.

Gah, I'm over it. I'm frustrated. And I'm taking a bath and putting myself to sleep.

I feel bad for my behavior, for the choices I made... G doesn't understand. Most people don't. The only way I try to explain it to him is by using metaphors. G HATES the dentist and he HATES heights (we went rock climbing and he LITERALLY made it 2.5 feet off of the ground, no joke). So I tell him, "Convince yourself you like the dentist and then go rock climb a mere 20 feet up." Guess what, I bet you can't convince yourself of either. Do you know why you're actually "afraid" of the dentist or of heights. You know the dentist won't hurt you. You know you're not going anywhere or going to die rock climbing 50 feet in the air, but you still are afraid, right? That's anxiety. You can't explain irrational feelings and thoughts. They're there and they're evil.

I just hope K&J and G aren't too mad at me... because like I said before, I can't help it.

I wish I could though.

The new "big kid" toy.

The other baby.

Two of my babies... :)


with the girls at Dozens today.


I had a feta cheese, tomato, and avocado omlette! :)


We FINALLY have family room AND living room furniture. As always, it's a work in progress.


We FINALLY have family room AND living room furniture. As always, it's a work in progress.