The Hot Chick

I have never been "the hot chick."

I don't have a great body, I've always been "soft," and I have ZERO boobage.

Sometimes I have a mustache if it's not waxed, and if I wax, I get fricken' zits. I can't win.

The only times in my life I've even been close to being "the hot chick," were times when I looked like this:




And this has happened maybe three times in my life and it's always been a struggle.

Those three times were:
1.) High School - and who doesn't look better when they're 18?!
2.) When I was 23 and did the Atkins Diet. Yes, it worked wonders, but you can't keep up a high-fat, low-carb diet your whole life. Can we all say hello to heart disease and high cholesterol?!
3.) When I was doing "bootcamp" at East Shore Athletic Club three days a week, from 6-7am... plus running and other misc. aerobic classes on my "off" days... AND I was eating close to nothing. (That is what produced the picture above.)

Even in that picture, I weighed about 140.

I'm 5'7" and currently weigh... 170. Yeah, I'm a fatty, and I can't explain how extremely hard it is for me to lose weight. The worst part is, I'm not small boned and I'm fairly muscular. It should be easier for me to lose weight with more muscle, but alas, no.

What makes it even harder is the fact that G is 6'6" and very athletic. While he does work out consistently (never any cardio, just weight lifting) he eats like shit! That boy I'm sure eats McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Chipotle and every other shit food under ths sun behind my back while he's at work and doesn't gain an ounce. And then when he's at home he wants pizza, or mac-n-cheese, or some other God-awful bad-for-you food, which of course, doesn't help me or support me.

Sure, I could eat Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones every night for dinner, but I take him into consideration and try to cook for both of us. It doesn't help either that he is incredibly picky when it comes to food, especially if it's healthy.

I don't know what to do. I'm trying to work out more. I'm taking ephedrine to curb my appetitite (no worries I'm not going overboard), and while it's working... I don't think I'll ever be what I want to be, let alone what G wants me to be.

We've made the agreement that if I get down to my "goal weight," which would be around 140-145, he will pay for a breast augmentation for me... which again, don't worry, I've thought about this one for a long time too. (Having A's or and A and a Double A isn't cool when you're my size!)

I'm just tired of having low self-esteem and being the F.U.F. (fat ugly friend).

Gah.